Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
“The dabbling and procrastination was indeed monumental but now there is ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ and this time it isn’t just someone with a torch to distract me further from achieving my goal!”
I found myself staying in my lovely friend’s apartment, two weeks by the sea, without the distractions of everyday life. (Not to mention the very messy and noisy building restoration works going on back home.)
The purpose to rest and recoup after a very difficult few years with lots of turmoil and to finally launch my website after years of writing stories, designing projects and building a website that wasn’t mobile friendly. (That was a particularly painful learning curve, as a non-techie who thought they were doing so well.)
Away from family, from friends, no need to make conversation, to entertain, to interact, just me and Lilly, my loyal Cocker Spaniel X Labrador, a cup of freshly made coffee, my laptop and the sound of the waves lapping on the shore.
It was 6am and still dark outside as I reflected on my frequent struggles in pursuit of perfection, trying to pin-point stumbling blocks to better overcome this enemy of productivity.
Observation No 1.
Can imperfect humans achieve perfection?
“Perfection or more accurately the pursuit of it, I have found to be both a blessing and a curse.”
My need to, at the very least, strive for perfection has sometimes brought me compliments, job offers, friendships, financial rewards or recognition. This is probably due to the fact that, whenever I set out to do something, I give it 100%. Generally I would attribute most of my successes to this one fact.
However, perfection itself is subjective, is it actually achievable by us mere humans, who are by our own definition ‘imperfect’ and moreover for want of a better word ‘broken’ in some way.
As we navigate our way through the rapids of life, trying to keep afloat, so we don’t become engulfed, it’s no surprise that we gather a few knocks and bruises along the way.
I have heard that the best counsellors are often the people who themselves have known struggle and have received therapy, because they can relate better to their clients.
How many incredible songs are attributed to having been written as a result of a painful relationship break-up or loss of a loved one. Artists, creative souls from all genres, frequently express drawing on personal experience in their work.
We must all either overcome or succumb to struggles brought about by everyday life.
Observation No 2.
Are our expectations unrealistically high?
“I am not perfect, I am damaged, I am broken, I have baggage, call it what you will, so why do I expect myself to be perfect, expect everything I do to be perfect and ultimately expect perfection in my work?”
These unrealistic high expectations of myself have been very damaging resulting in negativity, self-doubt, low self-esteem, low productivity, etc….the list goes on and on.
If you have ever felt any of these emotions or asked yourself these questions, I want you to know you are not alone.
Observation No 3.
Procrastination or Productivity?
“I can certainly say, despite many decades of trying, I myself have never achieved perfection.”
Now, thankfully, I seldom seek to attain what is perceived as perfection. (But like many things in my life, it is a work in progress!)
That’s not to say I don’t put 100% into almost everything I do, it’s just that I am more accepting of imperfect results by my imperfect self and moreover, I’ve learned to love imperfection, particularly in my work.
Having-a-go and getting things done is, for me, much more inspiring and productive than procrastinating for hours over unobtainable perfection.
Despite the frequent jokes about me not keeping up with the times, born in the wrong century and hating technology (Which I don’t, except when it doesn’t work as it should!) there is something to be said for writing on a laptop.
I do prefer ‘old school’, physical objects over virtual ones e.g. paperback books rather than e-books but when it comes to writing, a blank page on my laptop is a lot less daunting than a blank page in a notebook.
This is primarily thanks to the ‘Edit’ function. I just start to type, noting down ideas, words, phrases, a funny anecdote, anything really that comes into my head.
Later this piece of incoherent gibberish will be severely edited, with cut, paste and delete, but at least I have started and once I have something down on the page, I have something I can work with.
Better that than procrastinating over a blank page while my coffee goes cold and Lilly starts to look wilfully at her lead hanging up by the front door.
Observation No 4.
Just get Started!
“Play is the highest form of research” ~ Albert Einstein
When it comes to creative work, sewing and knitting projects mainly, I usually start by “playing”, collecting together colours and textures, yarns, fabrics and papers or doodling in notebooks.
I sometimes have an idea to work with but more often than not, I have no preconceived idea or intention.
I just let the ideas flow and blend and evolve until I land on something I want to explore further.
Writing, any writing, can begin far from being perfect and thanks to the edit and save functions will hopefully, over time becomes a coherent and interesting, albeit still imperfect, piece of writing.
The general advice here, is to just get started.
Once you have started, sooner or later you will have done something.
Observation No 5.
Time spent learning something new, is never time wasted!
“Better to have done something rather than nothing.”
Even if, at first you consider what you have achieved to be a waste of your time, perhaps because you are not happy with the results or your expectations of yourself weren’t met, please believe me when I say you will have gained something from the experience.
It could be something positive like enjoyment, inspiration, a step forward or learnt something new (even if all you learnt was that you love purple when you always thought you hated purple) or it could be something negative perhaps you hate working with clay.
The point here is there will be something you can take away from the experience, and that is experience you can use moving forward.
I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had that feeling of “I don’t know what I want, but I know I don’t want this!”
You might need to try a lot of different things to discover what you really like.
Like the Italian gelato analogy above, sometimes there are dozens of flavours, and perhaps you just need to try them all to discover which one is your favourite.
Changing what you don’t want or don’t like about your work is progress and moves you forward, even if you aren’t exactly sure where you’re heading or where you will end up.
Observation No 6.
Can joy be found in creating things that are not perfect?
“I have benefited just as much by learning what doesn’t work for me as what does.”
- So really, what is the point then?
- Why try if our efforts are always going to result in disappointment?
- In reality can we live with not being perfect or are we destined to search for unattainable perfection until the end of time?
- Can joy be found in creating things that are not perfect?
Ultimately, despite presenting my observations on this topic, only you can answer these questions for yourself.
For me personally it’s all about perception and preferences. I feel time spent creating and learning something new is never a waste of time. I have benefited just as much by learning what doesn’t work for me as what does.
Happy accidents are now one of my greatest joys as a creator, ‘Make do and mend’ ‘New from old’ ‘It is what it is’, are all great little sayings that help remind me that joy and beauty can be found in the old, the tatty, the mistakes and the imperfections of our perfectly, imperfect world.
